Saturday, January 7, 2017


 Aloha everyone!

Thanks for reading about Marques and Duke again. I am still working on the novel about these guys. I had to finish Hawaiian Ginger first, and it’s pushed the schedule out. But these lovely men will be coming to their own book this year. Once again, thanks for reading, and also Stormy for organizing this excellent event every three months. Enjoy!

Meg Amor
Despite growing up in the tropics, or because of it, I couldn’t live anywhere else. I’d tried it once. It just did my head in. Los Angeles had seemed like the hot adventure on the Mainland until I landed at LAX, and knew in my soul it wasn’t for me.
I’d stuck it out for two weeks, then jumped a Hawaiian Airlines flight home to the islands again.
Walking down the open steps from the aircraft at Kona’s Keahole airport onto the ramp and then through the open-air airport had made me cry. The warm, humid air surrounded my body and the heavy cloak of depression I’d been wearing just slipped away. Puddled on the ramp as my rubber slippahs slapped the hot tarmac.
There was no one to meet me but I didn’t care. I was home on the Big Island of Hawai’i, and I was never leaving again.
Except I couldn’t actually go home.
My family and I had a disagreement about “my lifestyle” choices. Like it was a choice? And for lack of a better thing to do, I camped out at the beach until I could figure out what I was doing. It wasn’t ideal but going home to my homophobic, big name island family was also not on the menu.
I did okay. Sort of.
Winter is a relative term in Hawai’i. If you live here, you do get acclimated to the slight air temperature drop—it does feel cooler. Mostly we don’t swim as much and wear socks with our slippahs. Without much body fat, it’s too cold to swim in the ocean without a wetsuit too, but I still need to swim every day if I’m ever going to make an Olympic team. That’s where people had kindly lent me their pools to swim in instead.
Okay, they hadn’t exactly lent them to me.
I’d kind of borrowed them.
But hey, they weren’t using them.
And I could make sure their pool men were doing a good job, and do little things that needed fixing on my visits. I rotated my swim sites around maintenance people’s schedules. It had worked out well…until today. I just caught him out of the corner of my eye as I did a lap turn and pushed off the wall.
He was big and handsome.
And hot.
In every way.
He holds up his badge. “Detective Marques Tuisamoa. Are you the owner of the house?”
“No. Why?” I ask.
“Friend of the family, relative of some kind?”
I shake my head, trying not to smile. There’s just something about him that tickles my funny bone. He looks so fierce, trying to be all macho cop but he looks silly in his formal gear. Good tie, though. “Why are you wearing a suit?” I ask instead.
“I'm Samoan. It's part of our religion,” he deadpans, and I just crack up.
He looks like he’s trying hard not to smile, and also slightly startled as if it just slipped out of its own accord. Not following the rules, and evading his need to be in control.
“It's too hot to be wearing a tie. You should at least take that off,” I say, frowning at him because otherwise I’ll grin like an idiot.
The tie is overkill. But damn, he’s gorgeous. Deep brown eyes on brown skin and the fuzz of black hair on his scalp. But he’s built like a Samoan, not a Hawaiian. Even though, the suit is cut for him, it’s only just doing its best to hide big solid thighs and shoulders. And his accent isn’t island. Maybe a long time ago but not now.
“What’s your name and address?” he asks.
“Duke and around.”
He sighs heavily.
“Full name, full address.”
“Edward Duke Kukeakalani Dole. Hawaiian Coastal Beach Access, Big Island, Hawai’i.”
He purses his lips at my smart-ass answer. Yes, I might not look like I have Hawaiian ancestry but I’m a local, not kama’aina. And yes, I do come from the Dole family. I’m half Hawaiian, half haole but I’ve been gifted with pale skin and brown hair with red highlights. It sucks as a swimmer.
He questions me about some of the break-ins that have been happening around here, and I wonder who’s doing it. I don’t think it’s local otherwise I would have heard something. He probably suspects me but I can’t do fuck all about that. I do borrow the odd thing I need, including swimsuits, chlorine’s hard on them, but I don’t do any harm. Not really.
I pull myself out of the pool, and watch his eyes. Even though, he seems to be doing his best to maintain his cop face, I catch a flicker of interest. Really? Well, let’s do a test run and see what he does. I hope I’ve interpreted that correctly because he’s certainly caught my attention. Although why the hell he’d consider going out with me is another question.
Still… I want to know if he’s gay too.
I have on a pair of neon green bikinis which mold over my cock and balls nicely. I don’t hitch my swimsuit up immediately, the ball drag factor and wet fabric pull them down slightly, and I watch him. They’re also slightly too small for me, so I know I’m flashing some pubes at the waistband.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and tents his pants out. Well, either he’s a big boy or I’m juicy. I hope it’s both.
His eyes seem glued to my crotch, and I bet I’m flashing my balls slightly. This swimsuit really is too small for me.
“You can't swim in here. It's private property.”
“Says who? There's no fence. It's not harming anything. No one uses it.”
For a moment he seems lost for words. His chest heaves slightly, and he licks his lips, looking hot under the collar.
“You should wear a lava-lava suit. Let your balls breathe,” I say. Then I can see if he has big calves as well. I bet he has.
I grab a nearby towel and dry myself briskly, only teasing him slightly, caressing my cock and balls with the towel, making them jiggle in the skimpy bikini.
He breathes in sharply, and I want him. I think he might want me too. That would be nice actually. I’d like a boyfriend. And there’s something about this big Samoan that reminds me of a gentle giant. His eyes have pain in them. I can relate to that. Physical, mental, emotional… I have scars on my ribs and in my soul. I don’t come from the most loving family. My dream growing up was to be related to Duke Kahanamoku, my namesake. He was an Olympic swimmer and five-time sheriff of Honolulu—an awesome aloha ambassador.
His is a name to live up to here in the islands.
I wait to see what he’s going to do.
“Well, you can’t just go around swimming in people’s pools that don’t belong to you,” he says, sounding stern and authoritative but I’m not sure he really means it.
“Why?” I towel my head now. Then drop it on a lounger and adjust my swimsuit again, cupping my balls in my hand and snapping the waistband to cover my pubes.
He tents his front of his pants and licks his lips again. Nice plump lips too. I bet he gives good head.
“Just don’t do it again, there’s a whole free ocean there.” He points to the aqua blue water tumbling lazily onto the sandy beach.
Then he stomps off, and I wonder if I’ll see him again. Maybe. If he’s investigating around here… Fuck. Now I’m horny. I’m also lonely. I like being in a relationship…
Through the coconut wireless, I start to get a sense of where the big man might turn up next. And I plan my swim schedule accordingly. He must be patrolling the area, keeping a tight rein on things. I keep my ear to the ground too. If I can help him, that will be fun. Plus, it really pisses me off when people break into houses and take things. I just swim in their pools. Yes, that is a loose moral code I have but I do have my standards.
We talk more each time I see him, and he’s even given up telling me off. Sort of.
“Duke!” he says, hands on his hips, looking pseudo-fierce with an exasperated look on his face.
“That’s a nice tie, I haven’t seen that one,” I shout out as I push off the wall and backstroke down the pool. Five more laps, and I can stop. See what my time is. See him.
“How many?” he calls out.

I turn again at the end, “Four.”
When I haul myself out of the pool, he clicks my stopwatch, and his eyes flick down my body appreciatively as he hands me my towel.
“That’s a faster time, isn’t it?” He shows me the watch.
“Ono.” I grin, pleased with it. “You’re good for me.”
He half smiles, and those brown eyes hold mine for a moment.
“Hey, heard anything on the grapevine?” he asks.
I fill him in on the info I’m picking up from people. This isn’t a local job.
“Call me,” he says.
“Don’t have a phone.”
He seems to be considering something. “You had breakfast?” he asks quietly.
“Some fish and fruit.”
“Give me an hour. Will you still be here?” He sounds hopeful. I think it’s wishful thinking on my part but we are talking more.
“Yeah, sure. There’s some bananas and coconuts ready to harvest.”
He nods once and strides off across the lawn—hands in his pockets as always.
When he returns, he hands me a blue burner phone with minutes loaded, and twenty dollars.
“No. Just the phone is hella good.”
“Use it as a lookout fee. You might need it for something. You’re helping me out here, and I appreciate it.”
He’s also bought my favorite bento box of shoyu chicken and furikake musubi—a seasoning of sesame seed, salt, sugar, and seaweed that really kicks up the nori wrapped spam and rice. It’s caring. I like that.
We sit on the loungers, eat our lunch, and talk.
Marques is interesting and slowly opening up. I guess I am too. I’ve been on my own for a while but I’m getting used to having another likeable human to interact with and share some intimacy too. Born in Pago Pago, American Samoa, he came out here for a new beginning, and it’s taking him a while to get used to island life again. But he gets it when I say I had to come back here. This is my home. And now his.
He’s was a cop in Detroit, and was physically wounded in the line of duty but won’t talk about it much. Although we’ve talked about a lot of other deep things, and I’ve confessed some of own emotional scars to him.
When he gets a call, it seems like he reluctantly stands up to go.
“Call me if you need me, Duke. Okay?”
“Sure.” I smile.
“And you know, if you have any intel or anything.”
‘Okay.” That sounded different to the first sentence which sounded personal, not cop.
He smiles and strides off across the yard again. When I look in the lunch bag, he’s bought me another bento box for later. I haul it home to my campsite with my hand of sweet lady finger bananas and the coconuts I chopped down. I filled up my water bottles yesterday from the faucet under the house. And did my laundry in the carport.
I repaired one of the screens that had a hole in it on the lanai too.
It all evens out.
I’m expecting him now most days. I keep telling myself he’s probably just using me as a source of information but it seems more personal than that. I hope so, although I don’t have much to offer him. I’m homeless and somewhat jobless. But I do teach swimming down at our community pool in Kona to a few clients. It’s enough for essentials and some gas in my moped but not for an apartment and utilities. Besides, I like the beach. Listening to the waves washing up on the shore—my own personal, and free noise machine to lull me to sleep. When I can’t do that, I daydream about him in my tent and give my hand a good workout.
I do like him a lot. More than just lust and like… Maybe it’s time for a new beginning for me too.

I’m up early most days, starting my day off with an ocean swim. It works my body differently and gives me a harder workout than a pool. It’s good for endurance and the salt water is healing for my body, mind, and soul. It’s the place I can become one with things for a while. Just slip into my connection with the ocean, wave to the local honu, our green sea turtles, and some days the dolphins join me for swimming races.
Just looking at the turquoise water lifts my spirits every day. It’s hard to feel crappy with that color. After a swim, I sit on the sand and toast some bread, spreading it with peanut butter and fresh sliced bananas. A hole punched in the coconut gives me a slightly effervescent, cool morning drink. Once I’ve finished the opaque, thin liquid, I machete it open and sink my teeth into the chewy coconut flesh. It’s a pretty perfect start to the day.
I’m over at the Randall’s pool today.
I hope I see Marques.
He doesn’t disappoint and surprises me by being early and sitting on the side of the pool. Marques is still in his suit but he rolls his pants legs up to dangle those meaty ham hock calves into the water.
“You should take your tie off too. Why do you always wear one?”
“Goes with the job.”
“Not in Hawai’i.” I eye him up, suddenly wondering what he’s hiding.
He looks at me frankly and seems to be considering something.
“Where did you get those scars on your ribs from?” he asks instead.
“My old man has a really shitty temper. He walks with a cane and likes to lash out with it when he gets pissed off.”
Marques grimaces, and looks pissed off on my behalf. It gives me a feeling of being cared for.
“How old were you?”
“I shot up and out at fourteen. It stopped when I grabbed it one day and broke it in half.”
“What about your mom?” He looks grim.
“Drug addict. Prescription painkillers.”
We stare at each other for a good, long minute. “I’m sorry. I come from a big, loving Samoan family…” he trails off.
“And yet, you’re not there. You’re here. No jobs out there?” I shouldn’t have done that but I want to know what makes this big guy so reticent. He’s obviously hurting but he’s not with his family. Why?
“They fuss. They’re protective… I got hurt on the job, and I can’t…” He stops again.
I’m standing in the pool in front of him, and he abruptly loosens his tie to pull it over his head. Then he slowly unbuttons his shirt but it doesn’t feel like a seduction. His big brown eyes stare straight ahead as his hand slides the fabric back on his chest, exposing his neck.
I gently slide my fingers over the scar tissue there. Scars don’t bother me. They’re all part of our journey, the talk story of our soul. I like that he lets me examine them closely, and I can feel his warm skin under my fingers. Nice nipples too on a strong, brown Polynesian set of pecs.
“What happened?” I say softly.
“Gunshot. Shrapnel.” He finally looks at me.
“Warrior scars. We all have scars, some are just more visible than others,” I say.

He nods slowly and cradles my hands between his big thighs. We sit in deep, soothing silence, and I risk resting my forehead on his hands, kicking out softly behind me in the pool. He lets go of one of my hands and brings his down to tenderly caress the back of my head, eventually shrugging out of his hot, black jacket.
We’re resting in an awesome bubble of feel good. I feel boneless and my cock’s rock hard but my heart is soft and open. I like this man a lot. This sweetness and vulnerability he’s showing me makes my heart ache in a good way.
There’s an excited squawk over the radio, and the bubble bursts.
“Damn,” he says with real feeling.
We smile at each other, and I push off the wall to start swimming laps again.
When I take the turn, he’s sprinting across the lawn toward his truck with his shoes on but no socks. Damn all right.
Now what? Just when things were so good too. I didn’t want that to end. I wanted it to go to other places. I miss him.
As I make the turn on the wall, a hand in the water gets my attention. I push off but stop, floating on my back, trying not to grin like a crazy man. He came back.
“We got them. Not local guys. Professionals from O’ahu.” He sits down on his ass by the edge of the pool, his shiny, black professional shoes lined up with the tile edge, and it’s just too tempting.
“You look like you need to cool off, get out of that hot suit.” I crook my finger at him, and he hesitates as I swim toward me. I grab his legs, then his tie, and pull him into the water with him.
The first kiss takes my head off. Man, can he kiss, I’m on fire. His big capable hands slide beneath the swimsuit fabric, cupping my ass cheeks, and he lifts me onto his hips. My cock’s already reaching for him, stretching with need. I tug at his full lips with mine, pushing my tongue into his mouth, desperate for him.
I want to taste all of him. His scent is driving me crazy, male and masculine, it’s making me whimper and groan. He grunts and exhales sharply when I nibble his earlobe, trembling with need as I tug the soft skin between my lips. He’s arching up into me, and my cock knob has escaped the waistband of the bikinis, sliding against his wet shirt.
He pulls back, looking me up and down, heat and desire making his eyes smolder. I quickly slide the tie from its knot, enough to pull it over his head, tossing it away. Then my shaking hands unbutton his shirt, and I push the suit jacket off his shoulders, letting it float away and sink into the pool.
Fuck. I’d forgotten about that. I’m not sure what to do with it. I point, and he frowns.
He wades us across the pool and seats me on the edge, then carefully lays his gun down with the holster.
Then I nearly rip his shirt off and fling it into the pool too.
“God, you’re beautiful,” I whisper, tracing my tongue over his scars, suckling a large, tender brown nipple. He groans as I flick and tug the point with my tongue until it’s hard and sensitive. As he quivers, releasing sharp pants of air, each sound shoots down my spine, and into my balls.
He’s big and sensuous. His huge paw squeezes my length through the bikini, and I arch my back, lifting my ass against him. It gives him room to shimmy my swimsuit down, exposing my hard erection which slaps my stomach and makes my too tight balls beg to be sucked.
Marques spreads my thighs, pulling me closer and swiping his tongue down my long length as I sit on the side of the pool. I hope I’m big enough for him, I’m not that thick. Jesus. I nearly pinch through his skin as he swirls his tongue across my balls. His big dinner plate hands lift my thighs without effort, and he licks all the way to my throbbing asshole. His hot, wet tongue pushes at my opening, and I cry out with need.
I clutch at his shoulders, moaning with every twirling lap and suck on my skin. A guttural sound escapes from my throat when he slides a saliva-soaked thick, brown finger up my ass. “Yes, yes,” I whisper. I can barely talk. So fucking good.
He kisses me again, those deep brown eyes wanting so much that I’ll gladly give him. Pulling himself out of the water, he slowly undresses for me, taking his time, his nostrils flaring. My jerking cock keeps time with them as I lie back on the warm tile with my thighs spread. I wrap my fist around my hard dick and stroke my sensitive, tight balls, teasing him. Letting my wet finger slide in and out of my ass, wanting what I hope is a fat, thick cock instead.
He’s trembling, his eyes glazed, trying to undo his pants, finally peeling the wet fabric down his huge thighs. His wet boxers outline a thick, meaty cock and big balls. Jesus. Yes. I want that. When he unsheathes himself from the wet underwear, I go stock still, clutching my aching cock. I’m about to come any minute.
“Want you so badly,” he murmurs, sinking to his knees between my legs, his thigh muscles bulging, black pubes springy around his hard-on.
“Yes,” I groan, sitting up to weigh his gorgeous balls in the palm of my hand, then suction my mouth over his straining purple cockhead.
He pushes into my throat, whimpering, crying out, and it takes everything I have not to blow my load.
I grip his solid ass, running my mouth up and down his big dick, and he nearly pulls my hair out. I jack the length into my mouth, sucking hard on the knob, and his big thighs shudder. Now. I need him now. I push him onto his back and crabwalk to my backpack to get lube and a condom.
I’m trying to take this slowly because I’m almost screaming with need to have that big dick up my ass, filling me, stretching me. But I want this to last. It’s too good to waste on a quickie. I want more than that.
When I squat on his chest, facing away from him, he licks my asshole, and I cry out. I’m going crazy with lust as he takes long laps with his tongue from my pucker to my balls. Then he lubes a fat finger and pushes my asshole apart, squirting up into me, and I shudder with the sensations tearing through my body.
I’m almost incoherent with need but he pulls my thighs farther apart, and drags me back. Then sucks one ball at a time into his mouth, between those thick lips, his tongue rolling them, flicking them, before he tenderly sucks my ball sac through his teeth.
I can’t even support my own weight and press down onto his face, his cock thickens even more between my lips.
Now. Right now.
I unfurl the condom on his thick dick, enjoying the stretch on it, knowing it’s going to be invading my body in the best possible way in a moment. Somehow, I turn myself around, and the look on his face makes my shaft jump and jerk. He holds my hips as I lower myself down slowly onto his hard, thick erection. Yes.
“Fuck, your cock’s big,” I moan, my face about to split from pleasure as just the knob fills me. The sting is there, he’s so thick, and his cockhead alone feels like a ball up my ass. So fucking good… Every inch stretches me wider, the hunger in his eyes makes me dizzy. I pull away, trying to seat myself more each time until I can barely move, impaled on his thick, meaty cock, his balls on my ass cheeks. Fuck yes.
I smooch down onto his chest and softly kiss him. His lips meet mine, both of us hungry and desperate. Strong hands caress my back, and gently squeeze and clutch my ass cheeks as I ride him slowly. I feel the awesome stretch each time, adjusting my angle and oh fuuuccckk—prostate. He nuzzles me, licking my neck, as I shudder from my gut. God I want him. Slow, intense kisses, our tongues dancing, the look on his face. This is not just sex…there’s more. It’s like making love…
I squeeze his cock with my ass muscles, now lost in the euphoria, no longer in control of my body as I ride him. We’re both moaning and crying out. It’s so sensuous as the tropical dusk wraps us in its embrace. I feel like I’m mumbling incoherently, pushing him on, his big chest heaving, the perspiration sheening his pecs. A small river of sweat drips onto the tile.
His hand fists my cock, twisting and cupping the head as it pumps up through his hand. He pushes up into my ass. It’s like being fisted, and it pushes me over the edge. I cry out, lost in the heady space as cum shoots over his hand in long ropey gobs, landing on our stomachs. Wild animal noises spring into the night as his orgasm takes him too. He grips my hips, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head, and deep gut wrenching shudders shake his body.
I flop down onto his chest, that was amazing. He kisses and sighs into my hair, enveloping me in his arms. I feel protected and loved. God, this is good.
When I slowly sit up on him, and he lovingly strokes my hair back from my forehead, I feel whole. It pierces into my gut and throws me, even though, I want to just soak it all up.
I point at his suit jacket and shoes at the bottom of the pool for distraction. “Don’t think you’ll be wearing those again.”
He just cracks up. I’ve never heard him laugh like that, it’s magical, and there’s a softening in his eyes that makes me feel I can trust him with my heart. So the next thing he says really knocks me on my ass.
“Want to come and help clean out my wardrobe? Make some room in there for your sexy little bikinis?”
I’m caught out, not able to move, hoping he’s for real.
“There’s a pool that’s just right for you. I don’t like you living down here on the beach. It worries me. I want to know you’re safe in my arms at night.” He pauses… “I think I’m in love with you…”
The honest vulnerability tears open my chest in a good way. “I love you too. I have for a while.”
We stroke each other’s faces with a tenderness that brings tears to my eyes. He closes his and it looks like his soul relaxes and lets me in. God I want that.
“I’m only coming on one condition, though,” I whisper in his ear, teasing him, drawing it out a little longer. I need to know this is real too.
“Name it,” he rumbles in my ear.
“On Aloha Fridays, I get to choose what Hawaiian shirt you wear.”
“For you. Anything,” he murmurs softly. Then he completely wraps me in his arms, and I feel like I’ve come home to my lover and my heart.

⊱╮Hawaiian Orchid╭⊰✿✿✿✿

Aloha everyone ~ I was thrilled to winner runner-up for Orchid this year in the Rainbow Awards for Best Contemporary Gay Romance. :)
Hawaiian Fragrance and Hawaiian Ginger releasing in 2017!
Kulani is “The Orchid,” a young, insecure, pro-surfer who comes from a rough background on the Big Island of Hawai’i. He’s Beau Toyama’s cousin from Hawaiian Lei. But he’s also a healer and has a heart as deep as the ocean he’s part of. Like the great Hawaiians, who have gone before him, warrior Kulani Mahikoa epitomizes the spirit of aloha and love. Kulani’s not only healing his own wounds, but “The Lost Boys”—young, homeless, abandoned and abused gay boys he’s taken under his wing.
Rob Masterson is a wounded psychologist who’s trying to come to terms with his husband Tony’s death. When he died, they were separated but still living together. Can the lone and lonely New Zealand widower reconcile all the pieces of guilt and love, to heal and fall in love again? When he drops anchor in Kona Harbor and meets the exotic islander—young, bolshie Kulani—explosive heat makes sparks fly between them.

Is the age difference between them a barrier or something they’ll get past? Kulani has more layers than Rob ever bargained for. And Rob’s tangled knot of responsibility, grief and guilt with his New Zealand heritage and past life is something he needs to untangle.

Two wounded men have to learn to trust and love one another. Traveling between the South Sea Islands of beautiful New Zealand and the exotic Hawaiian Islands—they forge a sea change, finding a home for their shrapnel laced souls.
Need an escape. Come to the romantic Hawaiian Islands and watch as Kulani and Rob fall in love and learn to trust again. A feel good love story.

#NSFW excerpt at at the end of the Little Things post

“You staying with me tonight?” Rob asks.
“If you want me to.” I’m aware I’m being defensive, but I feel ashamed of my behavior tonight. Rob’s been nice to me, but I’m embarrassed and feel like a retard.
“Of course I do. We can stay at your place if you like. I’ve never been there.”
I know he’s angling for an invitation, but I don’t want to take him there. It’s private. It’s not attractive like his place—it’s a mess and busy. I need clothes, though.
“How about we stay at your place? I’ll just go in quickly and grab some clean clothes.”
“O…kay…” he says slowly. I feel like he’s acting like don’t make any sudden moves, scare the wild animal in the corner.
We pull up at my place. The lights are on. Fuck.
“You know what? I’m really tired. I’ll sleep here tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I kiss him quickly on the lips and scramble out of the car, not looking back as I stride down the driveway. My heart is hammering, but I can’t handle this at the moment. I already feel like a piece of shit. I don’t need anything else tonight.
I open the screen door, and Danny’s watching TV. Zane has the headphones on, dancing around to music, and Kaleho’s out on the lanai, doing his homework—I hope. The twins are in the kitchen, and it looks like they’ve used two loaves of bread to make everyone sandwiches. God, they can eat, but what the hell.
"Howzit,” says Danny. The twins wave. I touch Zane’s arm, and he grins.
I quickly check on Kaleho, then head down to my bedroom. Shutting the door, I exhale. This has left me feeling defeated, exposing too much of myself tonight. I feel raw and roughed up. Rob didn’t mean to; I know that. I just fucking reacted as always and made an ass-wipe of myself. I smash a fist hard onto the bed and go into the bathroom. When I sit down on the toilet, I let the next avalanche of tears come. I fucked up so badly. They were talking about my upbringing too. Nobody could think I’m decent after hearing that.
I remember Rob saying he loved me earlier, but I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t really hear that. Sometimes I don’t hear right if I’m upset. Things get jumbled.
That’s probably wrong. Why would someone like Rob love me? I’m a nobody. I’ve got nothing going for me. My older brothers all talk down to me, treat me like I’m worthless. They’re always putting me down. My mom hates me. I’m an embarrassment to her. I rock on the toilet, clutching my stomach, nearly cut in two by the feelings of shame.
She once told me AIDS was God’s way of punishing gays. Sick bitch.
There’s a knock on the door. I can’t deal with anyone tonight. Just leave me the fuck alone.
The door to my bedroom opens, and Danny calls out, “Hey, Kulani, someone here to see you, man.”
Fuck off, I want to yell. I finish up in the bathroom and wash my face. I look like shit.
Out in the living room, I get a fright to see Rob leaning on the kitchen island with his arms crossed.
"What do you want?” I snarl. Just fuck off, Rob.
“You,” he says, and Danny’s head swivels around. The twins stop cutting up the sandwiches.
I lick my lips. I don’t like being put on the spot like this.
Kaleho opens the screen door and steps inside. He touches Zane’s arm, and Zane takes the headphones off, standing behind Kaleho, clutching his shirt. His eyes big and wide, scared.
I turn to Zane so he can see my lips moving. “It’s okay,” I say, as smoothly as possible, though my heart is jackknifing, thumping hard. “It’s okay,” I say to everyone again. “This is Rob.”
Danny fist bumps him. The twins say “hi” in unison, then pile up their sandwiches on a plate and rush out the door to their ohana unit, leaving everyone else’s food scattered on the counter. I’m pissed off at Rob for intruding on my space. I divide up the sandwiches and put them on plates. Rob doesn’t move, and I’m trying to calm myself. The panic edges up into my throat. I rip off paper towels for everyone and pour glasses of milk.
"Come and get the sandwiches,” I tell them.
Danny piles everything on a tray and shuffles the other boys outside onto the lanai.
Rob has a million questions on his face.
“Do you want a sandwich?” I ask him. God knows why.
"No. I’m…I’m good,” he says. He rubs his nose, looking pained.
I realize he isn’t going anywhere.
Taking in a deep breath, I say, “Come down to my bedroom.”
He pushes off the counter and follows me. I shut the door and stare at him. He looks out of place. His elegant self in my flop house.
I indicate the bed, and he slowly sinks down. His knees come up around his chest on my soft bed, which sits on the floor.
I’m embarrassed when I look around. It looks like a teenage boy lives here. Surfboards lean against the wall, surf shit everywhere, clothes, my office stuff wedged in the corner. You can’t even see my desktop. The rest of the house isn’t any better. Half the kitchen doors are missing. I’m working on it slowly. The whole kitchen needs to be ripped out and refitted. Beau and I are going to do it. We just haven’t made time. It looks like shit. I’m seeing it all through his eyes, and it’s not an attractive picture.
“You flat with all these guys? Room with them?” he asks.
“Sorta, yeah.” I feel itchy.
“They’re kids.”
I nod.
“You rent this place together?” Rob’s clearly puzzled.
“No.” I know I’m being awkward, but I can barely talk. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in. I’m fighting for breath.
I see the concern on his face, but everything’s coming down a tunnel at me. Oh shit, fu—

* * * *
When I come to, he’s bathing my face with a cold washcloth. One hand on my wrist takes my pulse while Danny holds his phone, showing Rob the face.
“Let’s get him on the bed,” Rob says.
"He fain sometimes, when things too untens. Random,” says Zane, his voice high-pitched and frightened. He can’t hear himself with his hearing loss.
Oh fuck, just go, Rob. Enough humiliation for one day.
They lift me onto the bed. I feel helpless and woozy. He strokes my hair back off my face. The gentleness makes me want to cry.
Kaleho hands him some water. Rob’s arm pulls me up slightly so I can sip it. I feel like a weak baby. Everyone’s faces are worried. I don’t want the kids to be upset.
“I’m okay. I just got a bit overwhelmed. Rob’s a good person. Danny.”
He nods and ushers Zane and Kaleho out, shutting the door.
God, I’m exhausted. I haven’t had one of these attacks for months. They leave me wiped out. Fuck it. Another fucked-up thing to add to my list of faults.
“Go,” I say to Rob.
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m okay.” I feel like I’m slurring.
He sits, eyeing me up, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Probably that I need to be sectioned.
He stands up, and I figure he’s going, but instead he undresses himself and then me. Rolling me under the sheet, he slides in next to me. He pulls my body into his, spooning me into his groin.
“I want you to sleep. I love you. I’m right here. You’re safe. It’s all going to be okay. I’m not leaving you,” he whispers tenderly.
My throat instantly closes up, and fat tears track down my face. I squeeze his hand, and he murmurs, “I know.”

* * * *
I wake thinking I’m alone, but he’s only in the bathroom. When he comes back, he slides against my ass again. The comfort of his warm skin on my back, his pubes and cock against my ass, drops me back into sleep.
When I’m awake again, the sun’s on its way up. He’s lying on his back now, dead to the world. I remember last night and cringe. But I also realize—he’s still here.
I lie with my head on my elbow, noting all the contours of his face and chest. He has sexy shoulders. Then I remember him saying I love you. He said it several times. Maybe that was just to comfort me. But I don’t think Rob would do that. He’s too straightforward. I want it to be real. I probably have it wrong. Fuck, my head’s messed up.
I slide out of bed and check on the boys. Zane and Kaleho are cuddled together in their bed. Danny’s asleep in his room. The twins will be okay; they weren’t here when it was all going down.
I switch the coffeemaker on. Cursing at whoever didn’t fill the dispenser or do the filter. I switch it off and start from scratch. While it’s gurgling and doing its thing, I check on what supplies we need. Fuck, how many sandwiches did they eat yesterday? The three fresh loaves of bread are all gone, and there’s none in the freezer. God, they can eat. Teenagers. Christ.
I grab a pen and find the grocery list. At least they’ve remembered to write down what we need. It’s Zane and Kaleho’s turn to come with me for groceries after school. I make them take turns so they get used to things like this. We need toilet paper, water, condoms, and bulk stuff.
I come back to the fact that Rob said he loved me—several times. Maybe I don’t have it wrong.
I want to say it back, but I’m too scared.
One time, I said it to my mom, and she’d rolled her eyes at me. Shoving that thought aside, I grab a coffee cup. When I’ve ladled in the sugar and cream, I go back to check on Rob. He’s still asleep. I look around my room, wondering if there’s any damage control I can do before he wakes up. Not really. I give up and slide back into bed with him.
When he finally wakes up, he reaches for me, cupping my cock and licking my lips.
“Coffee and cock—it’s a nice way to wake up.” He smiles. It makes me laugh.
“Do you want a coffee?” I ask.
“God, yes, please. I’ll use your toilet, and is it okay if I use your toothbrush? Wine always leaves me feeling furry."
I laugh and nod. He kisses me and sits up, scratching his head and balls. I reach down and nip his ass. He grabs me around the neck, planting a kiss on my head.
When he stands up, I appreciate the view as he walks to the bathroom. Nice ass on him, strong legs.
I grab him a coffee and a fresh one for myself. I’m calmer now. My brain’s not so fuzzy and fucked-up.
He comes out of the bathroom and slides back into bed with me. “Thanks, babe. God, that smells good. Pure Kona. Yum."
I let him take a couple of sips, not sure where to start.
“I’m sorry I fucked up last night,” I blurt out.
“It’s okay. We have to talk about some things, though. I’m not going anywhere, all right?”
I suck in air, and his hand rests on my chest.
“You’re safe. I would never want to hurt you.”
I put my hand over his and take some deep breaths, like I’ve been taught to calm myself. His finger grabs my thumb, and he nods in time with my breathing.
"How often do you faint? Is it from a panic attack?”
“Yeah. Um, just, you know…sometimes.”
“Weekly, monthly, every few months?”
“It depends on what’s going on. How stressed I get.” I shrug.
“Okay. Do you know it’s coming?”
“Yeah, mostly. I know I’m getting wound up.”
He nods, his warm eyes showing me only concern. I’m trying to breathe into this. Telling myself he’s still here, he didn’t leave me. He kissed me this morning, and he’s got his hand on my chest. He said nice things before.
“I can probably help you with those, if you’d like to let me try,” he says gently.
I shut my eyes in embarrassment. I hate them. How can this man keep on loving me when I’m this fucking broken? “How can you say you love me when I’m so fucked?” I burst out.
He sighs heavily. “Kulani, I find you beautiful in so many ways. You’ve got a special soul that’s captured me. I know things are hard for you sometimes, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“I fuck up. I say the wrong things. It’s messed up.” Like now. He’s just told me nice things, and I’m mouthing off at him.
He smiles.
“I don’t mean to be rude all the time.”
“I know.” He strokes my face, love in his eyes for me.
"Why are you doing this with me? You can go out with anyone. You’re gorgeous and together. I’m just a fucked-up islander.”
“Kulani, you’re so stunning. You have no idea. Why do you want to be with me? I’m an old man. You can get some young, studly guy.”
He’s kidding, right?
“I don’t get on very well with young guys. I like older men.”
“I have gray in my hair.” He points to his temples. “I have gray in my pubes.” He searches for one to show me, and I laugh.
“So. What do I care?”
“I’ve got lines on my face.” He grimaces.
“Yeah, I like them. Sexy.”
He laughs. “What do you mean you don’t get on with younger guys? You’ve got a household of them. And actually, they’re really young?” His look is questioning.
“They’re just kids who need a break, you know.”
“Are they all gay?”
I nod. I see the realization sweep over his face, and he shuts his eyes, biting his lip.
“Are they all homeless?”
I nod, wondering what he’s going to say.
“Jesus, Kulani.” He runs his hand through his hair, making it spike up. I love that look. Then he grabs the back of his neck, like he’s trying to squeeze some tension out. I’m not so crazy on that look.
He swallows hard. “You’re a good man.” His voice catches.
Hawaiian Orchid by Meg Amor
Edited by Heather Hollis
Cover Art by Syneca Featherstone
Published by Loose Id, LLC

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Meg Amor, a multi-published, award winning, contemporary author, has always believed in love and romance. She writes deep, sensual, romance stories about heartfelt connections and deep soul relationships. Meg feels that passionate sex, as well as her character’s inner workings--their vulnerabilities, emotions, and thoughts—are what make a love story exciting and real. She loves to write sensual, erotic romance, with committed poly, and gay male/male relationships.

Meg hand-wrote and "published" her first book when she was eleven about her parent's separation. Constantly told as a child she had a vivid and (over) active imagination, the dawn of the computer era meant she could now take dictation at speed from the interesting characters galloping around her head.

She grew up in New Zealand, and temporarily lives in California with her American fur child Leo Ray Jr., the Ginger Ninja. Her heart and soul are split between her American home state of Hawai'i in Kona on the Big Island, and the sultry, steamy Southern city of New Orleans. Nearly all her books are set in Hawai'i or New Orleans, along with snatches of New Zealand for good luck.

Meg's a bohemian and gypsy at heart, and loves to travel all over the world. She has a love of open cockpit biplanes and the gentle waft into the air from a grass strip. Given a choice, she'd eat out most nights. Fine dining, French, Fusion, Afghani, and Burmese food are some of her all-time favorites. But her favorite junk food is New Zealand fish and chips cooked in pure fat. Never one to do things by halves, she believes in the motto "Amor Vincet Omnia"--Love Conquers All.


Meg Amor
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~ The Hawaiians Series ~
Contemporary m/m gay romance
Hawaiian Lei ~ AMAZON
Hawaiian Orchid ~ AMAZON
Best Contemporary Gay Romance ~ Rainbow Awards 2016 ~ Runner-up
Hawaiian Fragrance ~ Spring 2017!
Hawaiian Ginger ~ Spring 2017!
~ Troika Love Series Trilogy ~
Henry and Isolde ~ a committed Troika/poly soul deep sensuous romance ~ AMAZON
Saint Nicholas ~ a beautiful heartfelt m/f love story AMAZON
Dark War ~ a committed Troika/poly relationship. AMAZON
"Everyone lives a thousand lives, but only one life to remember ~
Will this be yours?"


  1. Awesome. Thanks for sharing.

  2. It was cute. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Really love these two.

  4. Love this one. Can't wait to read your Hawaiian books.

  5. Can't wait to read more.

  6. Thanks for sharing this snippet.

  7. Thank you for sharing this great story.

  8. Another one that would be great expanded. Thank you.

  9. More plz!!!!

  10. Great story. Looking forward to reading more.

  11. Pretty nice, thanks!

  12. Nice excerpt.

  13. Another one we need more of and can't wait to read the whole second one!

  14. Thanks for both. I am not sure I read your books before but I shall be looking for them
    debby236 at gmail dot com

  15. great snippet!


  16. Cracks me up!!! looking forward to more.

  17. Wow - you make me wish I could visit there - thank you.

  18. Great excerpt..

  19. Thanks for the read.


  20. Looking forward to more of this good job.

  21. I didn't actually read, because I saw they are part of a series...and you are now gonna be new to me! So I cut and pasted this and can't wait to read them all! Going now to buy!

  22. I really liked this one! Thank you for sharing!

  23. Nice thanks for the peek.

  24. I think I remember these guys from a previous comp and loved them then, thanks for sharing.

  25. nice peek

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

  26. Great excerpt. Looking forward to more!

  27. Oh, I'd love to read more about these two. Thanks for sharing.
    j dot stonewright at gmail dot com

  28. Loved your story!

  29. Thank you for being a par of the blog contest.

  30. Cool!

  31. Great short.

  32. I loved how you got so much in there without making it seem so. Beautiful story.

  33. Thanks for the excerpt.

  34. Sweet read......

  35. Loved it! thanks for sharing

  36. I have never read a book featuring Hawaii! Interesting!

  37. Thank you really liked this

  38. Thanks for sharing!